Humanist Wedding Ceremonies
All things in life appear straightforward until you make a decision. In this case you’ve decided to get married, and then you make a few enquiries and suddenly that idyllic day in front of all your family and guests becomes a quagmire of competing items looking for your undivided attention – so don’t go off somewhere else now – this is the really, really important part. This page is about planning and making the arrangements for the ceremony itself.
The ceremony is the heart of your wedding day and it can be such a special experience that the rest of the day, and the start of your life as a married couple, will be a magical occasion which you will remember and enjoy looking back on again and again.
Humanist Ceremony
A Humanist wedding is a very personal one because the whole emphasis is on you, the couple. The ceremony itself is designed mostly by you and for you, with as much or as little of my assistance as you want. You can be as romantic and creative in designing the ceremony as you wish and you can include anything that you want, with the exception of religious hymns or readings. You may choose to involve your family, guests or children in readings of prose and poetry. Perhaps they will be a part of some symbolic gestures or they may have roles in the ceremony that aren't necessarily traditional roles. A “Naming” can be incorporated into a wedding if you already have children from your relationship or there is to be a step-parent. It is a lovely way to show that all members of the new family are important in the relationship.
The final say is YOURS.
There is no need to panic, I will provide materials for all aspects of the ceremony to help inspire and guide you through all the stages involved. While it sounds “slightly” daunting, most couples find that by going through this process it highlights the bonds of love which hold them together more clearly and this reinforces their conviction that they are marrying for the right reason.
One question I am often asked is whether or not the ceremony will be as dignified and serious as a church wedding. The ceremony, as I have said, is a personal one and it should be about you, the couple. Some choose to have a more traditional wedding and others prefer to have a little fun or to keep the whole affair relaxed. Your ceremony can be anywhere along that line. The ceremony should reflect the personalities of the bride and groom. In a Humanist ceremony, any religious element is replaced by words and music that have real meaning for you. The wedding ceremony after all is about YOU.
My aim is to provide a ceremony which reflects the individual personality of each couple and which in years to come you can look back on and say that it was everything you wished for and was a perfect start to your married life together.
Your ceremony will be unique and personal to you - it can be as traditional or as unusual as you wish.
Legality
The first question I tend to be asked, and it is a quite reasonable one given that Humanist marriages have only been legal in Scotland (but not the rest of the United Kingdom so far) since 2005, is “Do I need a Registrar?” So yes, a Humanist wedding ceremony is Fully Legal in Scotland. This means that you do not need to have a separate ceremony with a Registrar (see the FAQ’s page and links page for further details) although you will still have to register your intent to marry and submit the necessary forms to the Registrar, as with all types of wedding ceremonies. I’m sorry I cannot marry you in other parts of the UK or the world but if it’s a beautiful place and you want a non legal wedding ceremony I’m sure I could travel.
For couples who are travelling from overseas to marry in Scotland there are additional forms required. I have found that by making early contact with the local Registrar it allows them to explain all the extra formal requirements and gives the couples plenty of time to complete the bureaucratic processes. Basically, you will require a certificate issued by a competent authority (normally a civil authority although not all countries do so) that states there is no impediment to your marriage. You will also need a so called “Marriage Visa” issued through a UK authority in your country. The requirements and contact details can be found at www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk the web site for the UK Border Agency which is not an easy site to navigate. The process is currently under review and hopefully will be changed to a simpler one.
The second question is, “Do we need a special licence for the venue?” All Humanist celebrants’ wedding licences extend throughout Scotland and are not confined to premises which have a civil license or a church building. This means that couples can choose to be married wherever they wish, from their homes, to lochs, historic buildings, hotels, beaches or their local village hall, the choice is yours. Sorry if I’m making your choice more difficult.
Being able to have your ceremony anywhere you want is one of the great things about a humanist ceremony. The venue can be sentimental (where you got engaged); family (mum and dad married there) or it’s just a great place to hold a wedding ceremony.
Costs
The cost of the ceremony is set by the Humanist Society of Scotland and is presently £275 for a legal wedding and £200 for a non-legal wedding such as Renewal of Vows, Affirmation or Civil Partnership (please note unfortunately for the latter you will require the services of a Registrar for the legal part). Where there are extra expenses involved such as travelling costs, overnight stay if necessary, these are agreed beforehand with you.
I am licensed to conduct “Humanist” wedding ceremonies and as such must ask that you become members of the Humanist Society of Scotland by the date of your wedding which is currently £30 per couple. This helps ensure that in the future other couples will have the ability to choose a Humanist Wedding.
What Do You Need to Do?
When you have fully considered the type of wedding you want and have hopefully decided that a Humanist ceremony fulfils all that you wish, you need to consider the venue and the date. Weddings can be very expensive but if you can avoid a Saturday, many hotel venues reduce their rates and/or minimum number requirements. After having made your choice of venue and deciding upon the date, contact the venue to provisionally hold or book the venue for that day.
You will need to contact me as soon as possible to confirm that I am available - remember that others may want that date for their wedding, especially true at Bank Holiday weekends. I do not wish to overstate this, but although I have only been conducting wedding ceremonies since August 2009, the Saturdays from May to October fill up very quickly and I am often booked 12-24 months in advance so the earlier you can contact and confirm the date with me, the more likely I am to be available. If I am not available I will, with your permission, try and find another Celebrant on your behalf.
After we have confirmed the date, we will exchange a contract. Don’t worry it is only two pages long. The first page contains the details you will require for submitting your M10 forms to the Registrar. I will supply the contact details for the Registrars in the area of the location of wedding. The second page is a list of what I do and a checklist for you to ensure all the legal requirements for your wedding are met. There is normally a non-refundable deposit of £50 to secure the booking. One consequence of the contract is if I become ill or break a leg it becomes my responsibility to find a replacement Celebrant.
Designing YOUR Ceremony
Once the contract is exchanged I will provide materials by email which will assist you in designing your ceremony. We will then work together to design a wedding ceremony which is personal and includes all the elements that you wish to make your day memorable. These materials are not “take it or else” but to be used as you see fit, whether in their whole or used as a template for your own design and words. I will also give you a DVD of the most requested symbolic gestures. You will need to gloss over the acting which makes Thunderbirds appear animated but I can assure you that your ceremony will be anything except wooden. To assist, I also provide a framework to help you design your ceremony. The only part which is not negotiable is the Legal Vows. (You must accept him and he must accept you – I’ll try not to laugh) They have to be said and are no different from Faith, Registrars or other Belief weddings.
If you have read a book or article or have written a passage which encompasses what you wish from your marriage or are a poet or know someone who writes poetry and you wish those included, tremendous, I always look forward to having “new material”. Your friends and family can be involved either by participating in the symbolic gestures, blessings or by reading prose or poetry.
Beware!!!! I can be cruel.
At least some couples feel so when we first talk about their ceremony. At most weddings, depending on the structure of the ceremony, I would suggest that you either face each other or towards your guests. Some couples have never thought about this before assuming like a church wedding they would be facing away from their guests. You have invited your guests, after all, to see you being married and not stare at your backs, however nice they may be. When we have completed the personal and legal vows, I would suggest that we sign the marriage schedule in front of your guests.
The process of designing and drafting and re-drafting the ceremony can take some time so I suggest starting about six months before the wedding and trying to have it basically completed three months before the wedding. This doesn’t mean that if something really funny or momentous occurs, leading up to the wedding that you can’t add it; it just means you have more time for the less important parts of the ceremony.
Some four to six weeks before your wedding date, you must apply for your Marriage Schedule from the Registrar. This can be done no more than three months before your date, but ensure you give a minimum of 15 working days notice. Please remember that this is more important than your flowers, dress, suit hire, cake, etc as without a marriage schedule you cannot have a legal wedding. These are the M10 forms and witness forms I talked about earlier and the present cost is £70. The marriage schedule must be picked up in person by you during the week of the wedding. You will need to contact the Registrar beforehand to arrange a time to pick it up.
On the day of the wedding, when I arrive to conduct your ceremony the first thing I will ask for is the marriage schedule. After the marriage schedule has been signed I will give it to the person you have nominated who will be responsible for the return of the signed schedule to the Registrar within three days. But whilst he/she is doing that, you should be away on your honeymoon and enjoying the start of your new life together as husband and wife.
Phew!!! Now I can relax till the next one.
